I realize that I haven’t posted anything in a long time. It’s mostly because I was going through a rough patch and I couldn’t find a way out of it. I felt alone, depressed and seemed like I was stuck.
Stuck in a rut and I didn’t know how I even got there. I didn’t know who I was anymore. Maybe it was because of all the changes that were happening around me, maybe I lost a little bit of myself there and I couldn’t find it again. Maybe I felt the need to be heard, but nobody was listening to me. Maybe I wanted to be treated like an individual with ideas and thoughts but nobody cared enough to let me be. Maybe everyone around me were trying to make me fit into a box which I clearly could not fit into. Maybe there were too many kinds of influences around me and I didn’t know who was right and who was wrong.
Maybe I felt so suffocated that I began to blame God for some things. Maybe I drifted away from God and my priorities and decided to blame the people around me for that. Or maybe I just couldn’t feel like I was in my own skin because of all the pressure that kept building up. Maybe my need to be independent would not let me be submissive. Maybe I got rebellious every time someone tried to correct me.
Maybe I felt alone because when you’re stripped of the things you know how to do, then you are left with nothing but confusion. You begin to lose your patience and you are not sure because your strategies don’t seem to work. When you’re taken out of your comfort zone, you get restless and that’s when your real strength is tested. In a nutshell, the situations that I was in, started to take its toll on me. I became tone deaf. I couldn’t hear the spirit anymore. I couldn’t hear anyone anymore. I felt lost. All I wanted was to go back to my comfortable life with people who I could relate to.
It made me realize that maybe I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was. If the silliest things could affect me, then am I really being led by the Spirit of God? Maybe you’re in the same situation as I am, maybe you understand what I am saying, or maybe you don’t. We’re so busy trying to get people to understand us that we fail to understand them and think from their point of view. I’m not saying that it’s easy. When people try to push their ideas down your throat, it’s human to get a little flared up. But is that what God would want? God wants us to Live as Children of the Light, for the fruit of the light is found in all that is good and right and true. I’ve learnt to keep a check on my anger and frustration and to be kind instead. Because the words that come out of your mouth and thoughts in your mind while you’re frustrated could have adverse effects. So why give way to all that?
It’s just some food for thought; a lot of my muddled thoughts actually.
Have a wonderful day ahead, my lovelies 🙂